Chapter   4    

Letter to Darling Dora
November 3, 1901

                         Jerome, Arizona
                         November 3, 1901

My Own Darling, Dora


Well, Pet, Here it is Sunday night again, and I am not likely to sleep right away, I guess I will commence my weekly epistle of love and confidence to my Sweetheart; "so dear", yet so far away.

We had blessed services today; a small audience this morning, but a good one this evening. I preached on the text, "knowledge puffeth up, but love edifieth", this morning; and this evening the topic: The Value of Gospel Restraint. I feel that my preaching is better than ever, my mind works splendidly and God most graciously leads my thought and subjects. Bless His Holy name.

I am glad to say that I am real well, yet I studied like a giant last week, and made visits galore. Yes indeed, Love, I am my old self again and that for good I trust. My heart is filled with gratitude to our Father for his mercy. I think that perhaps I have misunderstood your Christian experience, Pet, but you know dear, that it was not my privilege to see it expressed in any great degree, only through your testimony in Endeavor and prayer meeting. I feel you have a sweet, loving disposition and that you are a pure, holy girl. I will say no more about that experience that I spoke of in my former letter.

Your letter was very enjoyable. It seemed to breathe the spirit of confidence and love in every line. It makes you feel bad to be spoken to "crossly"; well, Dear, let us never be cross then. The hardest thing for me to bear, and what I have to pray over more than anything else is to be misunderstood. You will probably glean from this why I am particular to get something cleared up, and that we be open and honest n all things. As I said tonight in my sermon: "Everyone feels within himself the possibility of a double life: the desires leading to a good, pure and holy life; and the desires that lead down to degradation and ruin. Yes, we all feel the possibility in ourselves of a hypocritical or double life. But when the evil tendencies of our lives have mastered the good and holy promptings of our nature, the good man, the hero of our lives, is down and dying; held down and strangled by our wretched desires allied with Satan". Yes Darling, these two possibilities are in our lives and we can only conquer the lower, which s reduced to a minimum in the Christian life, by open, honest confidence, and I feel we are doing it.

There is one thing dead sure. No one has ever accused me of selfishness, and I feel I can honestly say I am not selfish. Maybe you think, Sweetheart, that I am too tender-hearted, perhaps you think it is too womanish for a man to be that way. But the Saviour was tender-hearted and it is He who has made me feel for the infirmities of others. Bless his holy name, I hope He will continue to make my life more tender and loving.

I must close for the night. After I began this, a man came in who was at service this evening and said that from something I said in my sermon he felt the liberty to come and unburden his heart to me. He was in great sorrow at the death of his brother. I thank God for such experiences. Goodnight Dear. I love you more than ever. The Holy Spirit has wonderfully blest me as I have penned these few lines; He has communed with me like the real person that He is.

Nov. 4. - It is a lovely morning; we are having some of those lovely days that cannot be beaten, not even in California. It snowed last Tuesday though and made everything white. We thought winter had come sure. Yesterday afternoon old Mr. Mcxx and I went for a walk out to Bob McDonald's mine. What a large number of historic points there are along those trails!

Well, Pet, I guess I will answer some points in your letter before I tell the news.

Chas. Treulieb heard from his sister, and his girl is ready to come but she did not receive the ticket from Chas.' brother yet. Three months ago Chas. sent money to New York to his brother for him to buy the ticket to send her. Charley begins to think his brother has fooled him. Miss Settle is here yet. Ralph has the house papered and nearly finished inside. I guess about Christmas they will get spliced. I do not know if she is going away. They were both at church last evening.

I do not go into Mrs. Berner's store scarcely at all for it is a ladies' store and there is nearly always some woman in there. I think she has given up the idea of getting a dress-maker. Berner is working for the new man for a month to break him in. Henry Budworth is loafing. He expects to leave here in about two weeks.

I will send your papers regularly and will send some of my papers with them if you care for them. I am getting a number of good reading books, which I will send you one at a time; it will do us good to read the same book once in a while. I read "Black Rock" this last week. Miss Anderson loaned it to me. I am sending for two copies. I want it in my library to lend out for the good it will do. The story, I think, covers your case and mine, only it is more ideal as such stories usually are. Then I will have that other book on "Marriage", and others to send you as I read them.

Thanks, Dear, for what you said about the use of money. It is just like my own dear common-sensed girl. Yes, "Love is most of life" but not all. A pure, holy conscience seems to me to be the grandest possession of life. Remember what a time I had one evening and day with my conscience and the trouble it came near to bring to us! I have never reasoned that experience out from a biblical standpoint, but I have from human experience. I feel I was living to a mental impression of what was right, and not to a conscientious conviction of right; and I certainly did not feel any conscious guilt either toward God (or man, or woman).Yet conscience is an infallible guide of right and wrong; but judgment and mental impressions are not.

I wish you would continue to send me the title of subjects of sermons that you hear; maybe I can use the same subject sometime. Say, if you meet that minister of S.F., Rev A. E. Bane, if you care to, you might ask him if he remembers me. He will be glad to hear of me I know. Especially if you tell him where I am and what I am doing. He will easily remember me as a student in U.S.C., University of So. California. By the way, if we have a home wedding he is the man I would like to marry us; but this is in your hands to suit yourself.

Those fleas evidently know a good thing when they see it, or feel it! Well if they only make the folks return to Prescott right speedily it will not be entirely an unmitigated evil, and I shall begin to think that fleas are sent for some good purpose! They have never bothered me; I guess my hide is too tough, or my flesh, being the flesh of a preacher, is too rich for their blood, probably the latter.

I know Frisco fairly well, having made numerous trips there and stayed several days or a week at a time. Market street is a busy place evenings. But Frisco is a cold, wet, windy place in the winter. To me, it does not begin to compare with So. California as an ideal climate to live in. Golden Gate Park is fine and the Cliff House and other points are interesting, but one can soon visit them all.

Now for the news. Last Wednesday though it was muddy, we had a good attendance at prayer meeting and afterwards the Endeavor met and elected Von Schrilty president, Mr. Taylor vice president and Mr. Armstrong secretary and treasurer. Mrs. Meyers has joined and Mr. and Mrs. Ritner are going to join, Rose Diens joined our church yesterday and will come in the Endeavor. I heard Mrs. Ritner trying to get Mrs. Ritner into the Ladies' Aid last evening.

By special invitation I took dinner with Mr. and Mrs. Ritner Friday evening. It was his birthday. We had a very enjoyable time together. How well mated they are. She is getting well and looks much better than she did. We expect to take a trip with them tomorrow afternoon to Walnut Springs, she is to ride a burro.

Thursday evening, I called for Miss Fallen and took her to choir practice at Manning's. As it was Halloween, the boys and girls were all out. It was very dark, and as we passed a group, arm in arm they said, "Hello Lovers!" Of course we laughed, but I was thinking of my Love. Miss F. is a sweet girl and has a good alto voice. She is going to sing with us from this on. I think Jack Mellen is a little gone on her. But yesterday morning I saw her with a strange young man waiting for a rig to take them to the valley. I guess he is her beau.

I often think of you and our love for each other, and how I tried to keep from loving and raised all the objections I could to you as not being suitable for a minister's wife, and especially for me; yet here I am clean gone in love with you, and the more I think of it the more I am convinced that we are well suited to each other.

I feel that our loving together and love is Providential, to say the least; and I thank Him for it every day I live. This separation, which I hope will not be for long, will give us, and is giving me, a fair measure of our affection and companionship for each other, and gives us the opportunity to take a cool, clear glance at our future. It is probably providential, but I hope He will cut it short.

I will close this letter after Official Board meeting tonight. Perhaps I will have some real news then. I do sincerely hope we shall be able to fix somewhat of a definite time for our coming together before very long, that I may know what to do about my studies and when to take them up, and also that I may be able to arrange for meetings here and other places for the spring. Uncertainty is not a pleasant thing at any time, especially if one is in love.

Have just returned from the office with your other letter. Say, it makes me crazy to have you here. If you write like that, I can't stand the pressure very long. You dear loving sweet, I wish you were here. I would smother you with kisses and strangle you with affection. I will answer your letter now and thus get it off my mind.

I am going to ask the Ladies' Aid what that "farce" is to raise money for. I am glad you said what you did to Mrs. Berner before you went away.

You dear girl, it is just like you to take my criticism so kindly; and now I am going to give it. Behold how serious and cutting it is! Won't you begin all the address in your letter with capitals? Won't you please leave a little margin at the left hand of your paper, you would if you were writing with a typewriter; and won't you please begin every sentence with a capital letter? These things show scholarship, Pet, and when my dear Girl writes to anyone I want her toshow up with the best of them, and I know she can with a little application, for she has it in her. You should read your letters over after writing them to see if you have made any mistakes.

Now, isn't that hard criticism to take? And isn't it given in a hard cruel manner? I am glad that "we" are sensitive, as it will tend to check us in hasty or cruel criticism. Yet I wish I was sure of more grace and love in my words of criticism. I would feel free to speak more to persons if I was sure my words would not bring pain. How much good, for instance, such a talk would do Von Schrilty and others? Well, bless the Lord, Pet, the more I find out about you the more I like you. You are a much better scholar than any of my sisters; they have not the best chance for education in England. Yes, my own true love, I would not think of criticising you because of poor scholarship, no, you are not that, but rather that we may both improve. You know I never said teach you, but I said, "study together". Companionship is the Ideal I look to. Now, Dear, I shall and do feel free to say to you in a loving manner anything that will help us. I say "us" because what helps you helps me, and vice versa.

Though I would like to have you back near me, and I know you would like to be so too, yet I know you will not, nor do I want you to persuade the folks to come back; for if they should be dissatisfied they might blame it onto us. No, you bet, I will not say anything about them coming back to Prescott. I think with Mary the best thing for them is to get on a farm in some good community where there is not much chance to drink. Then, I think that she with the baby could win Ben to home life. Farm life is certainly what Ben is suited for.

I will not bother you for the bedclothes. But I think I will get two pairs of blankets, white ones, all wool; for I need one pair under and one over me. I love to sleep between blankets in winter. I guess I will see what I can do here, and, if I cannot get what I need reasonable, I will send you the money and have you buy the best you can. Will you do it? It seems to me that if I could get two large size single blankets of the very best quality of goods they would suit me as well as double ones. I must confess my ignorance as to these things for I do not even know if single ones are sold. I expect to get blankets and a couple of pillows somewhere during the next six weeks. Tell me what you think.

The man who bought Berner out offered Mrs. B sixteen dollars for the bedstead and I offered her the same. I had the first offer on it anyway. But I was a fool not to look at the mattress and springs. I would not have bought it if I had known they were so poor. I paid twelve dollars last week for a mattress. It is a fine one though, and I sold my cot to pay for it. Now I must buy a set of springs and I will be fixed; but the springs I want will cost me five or eight dollars. So you see by the time I buy the blankets and pillows, it will be valuable. I have not paid Mrs. B for the bedstead yet, I tried to but she said let it go for a while. The trouble is this is eating up some of the money I expected to save. I shall be glad when it is your place to buy such things as I certainly had poor success buying things in Jerome.

Yes the choir likes the anthem book and I have sent for others like it. One of the best pictures of you in my mind is of the evening you stood and read my report to the Church; your voice, your figure, your bearing and your freedom revealed to me the one who is the queen and companion of my life. That is a fine compliment, but I mean every word of it, my Dear.

Practice reading aloud when you can. It will give you confidence in yourself. I practice memorizing and reciting pieces every morning. It wonderfully helps my thought and memory and delivery. It also fills my mind with rich things for meditation.

Do not let your increase in weight make you sluggish or laizy. How heavy are you? I also wish you would tell me how large you are around the bust, over your dress, and how large around the waist. Do not think me impudent to ask these questions.

Well, Darling, I have just returned from the official board meeting, and I have no "real news". I am not disappointed for I did not expect it. There will be nothing done definitely, I feel, until the Elder comes and broaches the subject, and until then we can form no definite idea as to when we will get married. But candidly, Pet, I do not have much hope of anything in the way of a parsonage, for in the meeting tonight they talked of boarding up under my house so as to put the coal under there permanently, for as Mrs. Manning and Talbot said; "we might just as well board it up this winter and then we shall have it ready for next winter and for all time." Mrs. Berner kind of smiled and looked at Mrs. Talbot. Doubtless Mrs. B. was thinking of the use of boarding it up if we are going to move it. But as the other two are members of the Ladies' Aid, evidently they are not thinking much of a parsonage; and as Mrs.B. is not a member, I do not think the parsonage idea has gotten any further than her mind. They have paid me $35.45 for the month, but the Stewards are meeting now planning for the monthly salary.

I am not the least downhearted; though the Devil has tried to fill my mind with the desire to exchange with someone else and leave here, and to make me feel sorry I returned, But thanks be to God these things do not move me. The Holy Spirit most graciously blesses me and I feel that whether we get married sooner or later, at present I am pleasing God and He is having His way in my life. The Elder will be here sometime before Christmas I think; I hope so, that I may know definitely about my studies and other things.

Well, Sweetheart, since writing the above, Chas. Treulieb and Mr. Berner have been here and I asked Chas. T. what the Stewards did after I left. He said: "They talked about building a parsonage." So there you are, Dear. They think they can build a place, just common boards with no siding for $250, building on this same lot, between this and the Church. I asked, "Why do they not send a committee to see me about it, I can tell them how to get the money and fix it?" Then in conversation I told them what they could do, and I think from this it will work its way out.

Guess I shall be able to tell you more next week. But I shall have to write you shorter letters, it takes up so much of my time. I enjoy it though. If you leave there soon, tell them there to forward your mail.

And, now, I must close, praying God to bless and comfort my dear girl, and to keep us both growing more sweetly in His love. I have the honor to ascribe myself,

Your devoted Lover,

Jack Oliver

Editor's note:

         



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